I had my daughter, Sofiamoana, at 35 — after a decade that tested every corner of my heart. I lost partners, I lost pregnancies — four, to be exact — and I lost faith in myself more than once. There were times I wondered if I was meant to be a mother at all.

I didn’t leave the New Age because I wanted to. I left because God showed up and made it impossible not to.

I wasn’t sure if I should write this. It’s vulnerable, and a little uncomfortable, but it’s also honest — and I think that’s part of why I need to share it. This kind of writing helps me process things, and it might help someone else process their pain too. And hopefully above all, anyone who reads this will think deeply about how much their actions affect those around them, and also understand how much grace and love and forgiveness God has in His heart to redeem any actions that hurt ourse